What is the most important thing to understand about recovering from a relationship with a narcissis
The most important thing to understand is that most ‘victims’ of narcissists are recovering less from what the narcissist did than from what he didn’t do.
The narcissist gave the ‘victim’ some love—enough to awaken their appetite for it—but didn’t proceed to give them more.
The ‘narcissist’ may also have been callous and even downright cruel.
But that isn’t the victim’s actual grievance with the narcissist. She is using that to justify her rage.
What she is actually enraged about is that he ‘inserted the tip’ but didn’t insert the rest, to be crude (but accurate) about it.
What you will invariably notice about self-described ‘victims of narcissists’ is how they cling to their long gone relationships with their supposed tormentors.
They luxuriate in their memories of those relationships. They declaim endlessly about how they were ‘lured in’, ‘teased’, ‘tormented’, ‘ravished’, ‘kicked to curb’, and then ‘crawled back’, only to be ‘used and discarded’ once more.
The issue is not that the narcissist hurt them when he was with them.
It’s that he is no longer around to keep on hurting them.